Learning to Say No (And Why It Took Us So Long)

Learning to say no is a skill we picked up late. When we went live with Celeste Naturals at the beginning of last year, “no” wasn’t a word we used. The only time we turned down an event was when two of them landed on the same day and we had to pick. We applied to anything we thought we could handle, plus a few we definitely couldn’t, and we were thrilled with every acceptance.

That wasn’t stupid. It’s probably where most people start. But it took us far too long to figure out that “yes to everything” is a strategy for the first few months and a problem after that.

Why we said yes to everything

We’d spent so much time on product development that we needed to make some of that money back just to keep operating. So the strategy, such as it was, was “make money however we can.”

We also had a learning curve, and the only way through it was repetition. We needed reps at the table.

The part we couldn’t do was tell a good event from a bad one. Was a $100 day good at an event that cost us $25 to attend? Was it bad? We had no frame of reference. We couldn’t tell what separated a day that made 10x the market fee from a day that made 4x, so we couldn’t have said no on purpose even if we’d wanted to. When you don’t have information or a strategic direction, you’re mostly making decisions out of fear, and fear says yes.

The cost we didn’t see

This year we didn’t focus on wholesale as much as we wanted to, and a lot of that traces back to a few markets we accepted and probably should have passed on.

It’s not that a few hours at a few markets is an excuse. The hours at the market are the small part. There’s prep before, recovery after, and everything else that slides while you’re doing both. That adds up to a cascade, and we fell further and further behind on the thing we said mattered most. (We know what has to be true before we can step back from markets, and every weekend spent on the wrong event pushed that further away.)

The conversation

Chrissy and I sat down and took stock: where we were, how much progress we’d actually made, and whether it was possible to get back on track. We decided that even if turning down events hurt in the short term, we had to be much more intentional about what we took on, or we wouldn’t have enough left for our highest priorities.

From there we did three things.

We figured out which market niches work for us and which don’t. After enough reps, patterns showed up.

We figured out which cities and towns are generally better customer markets for us. Same events, different towns, very different days.

We set aside anything that made us feel like an ornament. If we were decoration for something larger instead of one of the things people were actually there to see, it went on the pass list.

How we decide now

It comes down to how an event lines up with our strategic priorities as a brand. When we started, the priority was making back our investment. Making money is still a concern, obviously, but now the question is how to make it while scaling the business the way we want to.

So we ask a handful of questions: What’s the opportunity cost of giving up a whole day or weekend to one event? Historically, what’s the expected return from this type of market in this area? Does it move us toward wholesale and direct-to-consumer, or just keep us busy?

You can’t answer those on day one. You answer them after enough bad days and good days to start seeing patterns. That’s part of why saying yes early wasn’t a mistake. It’s how we got the data.

What it felt like

I expected anxiety about turning down immediate money. What we both felt was relief, and an energized refocus. It was a much better feeling than a calendar full of obligations we weren’t excited about.

It’s going to be harder with our consistent markets next year. Some of those organizers are friends now, and some of them may be upset. We’re grateful to them, and we also can’t sacrifice our goals to avoid disappointing people. (The relationships are real and that’s exactly why this is hard.) We’ll make the best objective business decision we can and stay friends where they’ll let us.

If you’re trying to figure out when to say no

Start by knowing where you want to be. If you love doing markets and want a side hustle that gets you to a table every weekend, go knock them out. That’s a perfectly good business.

But if you have bigger goals and you’re not close to them yet, look at the path between here and there. If a market, or whatever commitment you’re considering, isn’t actively moving the needle toward your strategic goals, have more confidence saying no.

And don’t say no and then do nothing. The time you free up has to go somewhere: another activity, an investment, a lesson, an exercise that fits your vision for the company. A no with no replacement is just a hole in the calendar.

“No” might be one of the most important words an entrepreneur has. It just takes a while to know what you’re saying yes to instead.